Mommy's Diary

As I sit here and reflect on all of the things that have transpired in the past 2 weeks I can't help but feel overwhelmed with joy and happiness. I am just going to document a few of my thoughts and feelings that have rolled through my head this morning as I sit with our baby listening to some great music.

1. My dreams have all come true!! I was blessed to have been raised by a loving family, immediate and extended. Then when I was starting to question the goodness of the male race I meet the most amazing guy who for some reason wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. And with him have created the most beautiful angel. I have dreamed of having a family of my own basically my whole life, especially the roll of being a mother. (As a child I could turn anything into a baby......bags of sugar, whole chickens, irons, just wrap it up in a blanket and presto you have a instant baby.) Thanks to the love of my life for making all my dreams come true.

2. Justin and I have really been challenged by being parents. We don't always see eye to eye on how things should be done, which is very unusual for us, but through patience and lots of communication we have become a better couple, stronger in our ability to express our feelings and concerns in a loving and kind way. I am grateful for the challenges that have brought us closer together.

3. Hazel is so beautiful. Sometimes (well most of the time) I find myself just staring at her in awe. "Watching a baby sleep is (sometimes) more satisfying than finding sleep yourself"

4. Today we received a congratulations card from the Dean and staff at the Law School. We are so blessed to be here in Williamsburg attending what might just be the best school ever. We miss our families back home, but are happy to be making new friends and learning so much here.

5. Hospitals are scary!!! We (my mom and I) had gone to a breastfeeding support group to make sure that I was doing everything that I was suppose to and that she was getting an adequate amount of fluid. Well, as you all ready know we ended up in the ER and then eventually the night in the hospital. There was a tender moment in the ER that was shared between mothers and daughters. At one point they were trying to draw some blood from Hazel's tiny and very thirsty veins, needless to say Hazel was one very unhappy girl. I knelt on the floor next to her and rubbed her head and talked to her while my mom sat on the bed next to me rubbing my back and talking to me. Three generations of girls crying and hoping that that moment would be over soon. Thank you to my mom for being there for me at our time of need. (FYI- Justin was on his way to the hospital at this time.... lucky for him he missed this part)

6. Aunt Jackie just sent us a card that has some cute quotes in it. Let me share.... "A toothless smile can light up the world like instant sunshine." Our Hazel is a happy little girl. She smiles when we talk to her, once she finishes a nice refreshing bottle, sleeping, and just occasionally through out the day. I LOVE to watch her smile.

7. Birth is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do!!! Yet I would do it 100 times over to get my baby girl if I had too. Luckily I will only have to do it a few more times to get her some brothers and sisters, but it's the thought that counts right?

8. Friends and Family: What a blessing they have been in our lives. We have received numerous amounts of phone calls, cards, visits, meals, gifts, support, and love. We thank you all for everything you have done for our family. We appreciate it and love you!!!

9. I have shed more tears in these two weeks then I have ever in my whole life. First there were tears of pain, from labor of course. Then, came the tears of happiness as we welcomed our daughter in the world. Days later, more tears, this time tears of frustration. Hazel was obviously not nursing well, I was trying to be persistant and attempt to nurse her before every bottle feeding (we had to bottle feed her pumped milk to make sure that she was getting the needed fluid and nutrition) For 20 minutes about 10 times a day Hazel would push against me and refuse to nurse. After that fight with her I would be stuck to a breast pump for another 20 minutes so that I could get enough milk for her next feeding. This got old really fast, I would find myself crying all the time because I felt like all I was doing was fighting with her and then not being able to enjoy and take care of her because of the pumping. I finally realized that I was missing out on the joy of motherhood and decided that formula was the ticket to our happiness. So now back to tears of joy. Almost daily I find myself tearing up in amazement of her beauty. I am one blessed individual.

Okay well it is now about 12 hours later then it was when I started this post and dinner is almost ready.

Oh, and BIG thanks to Justin for keeping our blog updated and looking so stylish with it's new look. I really did marry the best guy ever!!!